Sometimes I feel infatuated with God. My love can be a fleeting feeling. I want more than that for my life and the love I fill with it. I want to love deeply and love with reason. I want my heart to beat in rhythm with God’s, like a guitar strumming in rhythm with God’s drum beat. My heart desires to express my love for him when I’m worn out and broken. To love him when I’m full of awe and gladness. My love should be deep, maybe as deep as the sky and as close as the air. I know that at times it’s not. I worry about what others think of me. I know friends don’t satisfy the way God does. I don’t want to worry, I want to be profound and to live with a strong secure love.
Can I find joy in the simple things? Sheets that fit. Air to breathe. Legs that carry. Mountains to hike. Hands that write and feel. Eyes to see. Sunsets to view. Mouths to feed. Mouths to chat. Conversations in spanish. Conversations in English. A child’s laughter. Ears to hear. A child’s cry. Friends that cry. Friend’s laughter. Friends to love and be loved by. Too often I look past these moments and float on with the breeze. My feelings flutter with the wind. I don’t want to fly where the wind blows. I want to be firm, yet changeable, because God’s love is at work in my life. Changing me to be alive in him. Making me more than I am right now.
This is a prayer I’m praying for my self. There’s a couple more days until Thanksgiving break. I’m ready to sleep in and have a long weekend. I’m pretty sure my kids are ready for the break too. After Thanksgiving there’s only three weeks until Christmas break. This semester is flying by and God has really taught me tons. I can’t wait to see what’s next.