Challenging my self

I tend to dream about the weirdest things.  I’ve dreamt that I was a super model, blue steel anyone.  I also had a dream once that I could heal people.  I’m not Jesus and I’m not Zoolander, I just have weird dreams.  Lately I have been dreaming about eating meat.  The first dream happened about two weeks ago.  I was out to dinner with my friend Jon, he teaches middle school with me, and we were eating pizza.  I love pizza, especially pepperoni pizza, but in the dream I was shocked that I had just eaten a slice of pepperoni and I started to try to vomit.  The next dream didn’t happen until a couple of nights later.  This one was not as clear but still had the same point.  I was eating a piece of chicken and the same regret happened.  Finally this last Saturday night I had a dream that I was eating steak.  This steak was great.  Just thinking about it makes my mouth water.  It was moist.  It was perfect.   Yet halfway into my second helping of steak I realized what I was eating and I started to pull the meat out of my mouth like someone would pull tokens out of a skeet-ball machine.  

These dreams are weird, but they’ve come from somewhere.  I gave up meat about three weeks ago.  So in each dream I am facing something that I gave up.  Now before you start calling me a Vegetarian I want you to know why I gave up meat.  Have you ever wanted to challenge your self?  Basically I wanted to see if I could go without something I love for a month.  It is kind of like a fast but a little different.  One of the reasons I came down to Guatemala was to get out of my comfort zone.  I wanted to change and grow closer to God.  I have found that it is dang near impossible to grow closer to God when I’m comfortable.  I’ve tried to seek God most of my life, but when I’ve got it easy I tend to become complacent.  I don’t want to become complacent here in Guatemala.  Back in August when I first arrived life was challenging.  I was constantly looking to God for help.  Things aren’t so hard anymore.  I have friends, I have a good rhythm with my job, and most of all I like it down here.  So last Thanksgiving I started thinking about how I could challenge my self.  I decided to give up meat for a month.  Life as a vegetarian, if only for a month, isn’t that bad.  I’ve been eating more vegetables, which I like, and I’ve even tried Tofu, not half bad.  The hard part is when I’ve been invited to bbq’s, passing up hamburgers is not easy.  This has happened more than once.  And so the dreams have haunted me with the thought that I can’t stick to my goal.
Where has God been in all of this?  Same place he always is.  Right beside me.  While not eating meat might seem like a little thing and I’ll be honest it hasn’t been that hard.  I’m really seeing how God provides for me.  He has given me food every day that I have enjoyed.  This may seem simple, but if you think about it I decided to do something that I knew was different and God is rewarding me with good food and with a new perspective on the world.  I can now understand what it is like to not have meat.  With all of this said I do I look forward to having my first taste of meat around my birthday in February, but I can now say that I can do without the things I like because God provides me with what I really need.

2 thoughts on “Challenging my self

  • Loved hearing your “VEGGIE Tales”! YOU are amazing and I wish that you were here with us. Know that we love you so much and will think of you a lot this week! You hold such a special place in my heart and I know Addi will love her Uncle Brendan!

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