Last Sunday April and I sat down and dreamed together. Lit by the light of our fake Christmas tree, which is still up as I come back to edit this before posting, we took the time to name what we wanted this year to look like. 2018 is our first full year together and as amazing as 2017 was, we both want this year to be special.
Most of all I want this year to be a different year. I have tried making resolutions and well, three days into 2018 my resolve failed me and I accidentally wrote down 2017 in my journal. Now it’s down with resolutions! This year I will dream and the dreams I dream are not resolutions, they are desires that will become plans.
I know this may seem like semantics. But following me on this one. I asked April to follow me too and I am so glad that she did. Because it was almost like a continuation of the vows we made only six months ago. As we spent our day together, it was as if we were saying “we’re in it together” and “what you desire, I will support you in no matter what.” The afternoon we spent together dreaming was a beautiful time. We came up with a powerful list of dreams that we are going to work toward one step at a time.
Here are some of my goals:
Pay off credit card debt; challenge myself physically; learn how to lead April both physically (at the gym) and spiritually; Read a book on marriage; read three spiritual books; pay off April’s car; Pay off my student loans; save money for our honeymoon; go on monthly dates; Read 60 books; write more creatively; blog more; re-learn Spanish; go on hikes; go camping; complete our thank you cards from the wedding; live more presently (meaning not being on my phone as much); make new family traditions; take and share more pictures; start running again; find the movie Rear Window; open my heart more; learn to communicate as a couple better; give more.
I share these because I must burn them. I cannot light a digital list of dreams on fire, but my desire is by sharing them it will be like I have laid them down at the cross. I am allowing God to lead me into how I am to reach these dreams.
As I go back to edit this, I see that I have already failed at some of these goals, like the thank you cards which we haven’t even started. But we have found Rear Window, yay we don’t have to pay the library 40 dollars for a lost movie! I know that if I reach all of my dreams or not, I need grace. Maybe that is why I am sharing them. Not to have my readers help me reach my dreams, but to remind me that God is on my side and that he loves me no matter what I do or do not do.
God has a plan for me and he has a specific word for me and this year in his grace I am going to live in his freedom.
One of the biggest challenges I have faced in even thinking about reaching these dreams is my own thought process. Somewhere in the back of my mind I have made agreements that I cannot complete several of these dreams. So when April I spent the afternoon on our couch we started off in prayer and asked for God’s guidance. He entered in and filled our conversation with his love for us. In tears April and I both realized we had areas where we needed to break agreements we had made so that we could reach our goals.
Here are some of my false agreements that I find myself believing in:
That I am not good in conflict; That I am not worth noticing (I often struggle with this in terms of who is reading my blog or not which is why I stopped blogging for several years); That I have to be perfect; That I don’t matter; That I won’t become a writer or photographer.
Typing all of that was extremely difficult. I hope that in sharing where I am it helps someone let go of their fears and trust that God has a beautiful plan for us all. But to reach your dreams, burn your plans and give them back to God.
In 2018 I am going to let God be in control and I know when I do that, just like last year, something beautiful will happen.