Adventure – Adventure With Brendan

My Heart Matters

November 20, 2020Brendan Scott

October rushed by me in a whirlwind of beauty and chaos. Parent teacher conferences, zoom sessions with my remote students, and more work than I ever could imagine was broken up by a weekend trip to Breckenridge, a hunting trip, and my wife’s birthday. Through it all, I’ve tried to keep my eyes, my ears, and my heart open to all that God has for me. But that didn’t give me time to blog. However, I did have time to remind myself that no matter how my day was going, my heart matters!

Has beauty been mixing with chaos for you? It’s 2o2o so how could your year not feel like a whirlwind, but if you’re seeking to guard your heart, you’ve seen beauty too.

Hearts are key to how we live. Proverbs 4: 23 tells us to protect our hearts above all else because they are the wellspring of life. So here is what I have been doing to feed my heart the right stuff.

I wrote briefly about this idea this summer, and it still rings true. Throughout 2020 I have been reminding myself that my heart matters. I am in full control over what goes into my heart. This includes chaos of all kinds. Election chaos. Job chaos. Health chaos. So I have been spending less time on social media. All chaos seems to be driven by social media. In February at the start of Lent, I gave up social media, and it was freeing, but since Easter I’ve been back on, and well, we seem to be a society that loves to stir up hate and anger. And now with the election just behind us, school districts going full remote in order to protect the health of the community, but causing chaos for the families back home, it seems like the best time to either stay off Facebook and all social media all together or let your anxiety rise. If you disagree with me about this statement you might as well unfollow me (just kidding, but how many times have you seen that statement on Facebook?).

Because my heart matters, I am not interacting with people after a certain hour. If I jump onto any of my social media platforms later than usual, I typically just go to look at my picture history so God can remind me of the beauty he has for me. Instead of spending time on social media, I am looking for beauty and things that bring me joy. Mostly this means I hang out with Gyffin. A walk with my dog guards my heart way better than a scroll through my newsfeed. Today I spent an hour kicking the ball for him. I couldn’t stop laughing. I’ve found that I’m a way better man after spending time with my dog. That man is more of the man God meant when he created me.

April and I are still doing puzzles. I’ve talked about the greatness of puzzles in the past. Here is something you might not know about puzzles. Puzzles are a great metaphor for life. We started this one on Halloween and we quickly realized it was too big for our puzzle board. After days of trying to fit pieces here and there we nearly gave up. But we didn’t. April is better at taking the small pieces and building them into a bigger picture, but she bounces around seemly leaving sections to finish themselves. I focus on small areas and work to complete those parts first which at times bogs me down and causes frustration when I can’t find the one piece I’m looking for. We build puzzles differently and I think this helps us complete the picture. There were times when we thought we had the wrong pieces, too many pieces, and then finally one too few. I didn’t want to give up. I searched until I found that piece. We had just enough. I know this is just a puzzle, but maybe it’s more. Maybe we have just enough and that is perfect for now. This calms my heart.

Last month when I went hunting God gave my heart what I needed even though it wasn’t what I was hunting for. I’ve been hunting for almost 21 years now and I have never been all that successful. The first time I went hunting was a puking mess. A migraine struck as I trekked up the trail. I spent the entire trip throwing up or passing out upside own on a rock. The second time I went hunting I fell off a boulder head first. The third time I went hunting my dad and I spent two days tracking a Bull Elk I had grazed with a bullet. Hunting can seem like an experiment in taking naps in weird places, but even though I haven’t always filled my tag and I don’t feel like the best hunter, I have learned that hunting is more about my heart than about the Elk. This year on our first morning my dad and I chose to hunt on harder stretch of the mountain. We hiked up and down the mountain. Over so many fallen trees that my legs were shot. The beauty on the trail made up for the lack of a harvest. However, when we returned to camp we heard how our friends saw Elk, but couldn’t get a shot off. They had chosen the easy path and saw Elk, but came out empty. To fight off the disappointment I had to remind myself that hunting is more about my heart than about Elk. Its about constantly expecting God to provide no matter what. He provided in a different way than with Elk. Our early mornings led us to beautiful sunrises and golden Aspen trees and our evening meals provided us with laughter. I needed this time away. It filled my heart with what it needed and now that the chaos of life has set back in I feel like I can give back healing, hope, peace, love and joy.

Beauty In Chaos: A Wholehearted Photo Adventure

September 18, 2020Brendan Scott

Sitting inside on my couch has not felt like a great adventure. I’m sure some of you have been feeling the same way, a little uninspired and in need of a trek out into the wild. We all tell ourselves that by staying home we are doing are part to keep people healthy, but dang how many movies can I watch where other people travel the world and not long to see what God has in store for me?

Back in June, after a couple months in seclusion and no real end in sight having withstood a couple more months of it, my heart started to yearn for an adventure. I long to go back to Europe and travel by train, but Covid. Instead I am finding new ways to sooth my wanderlust. As I sit on the couch it is becoming more and more difficult to feed my hunger for adventure and especially those “beautiful adventures” that speak truth to me. If I see can see beauty in each day, I have an easier time being content and connected to God. Beauty helps my worry go away. Earlier this year I wrote about finding beauty in the dustbin. Well, this year seems to have been a bit more of a dumpster fire than a beautiful adventure.

But beauty can be found in the chaos. I might not be able to take my wife back to Europe or even be able to trek down to Guatemala, but I can open up my pictures from all of my trips and soak in the beauty. As I soak in the beauty I am reminded that God provided beauty for me. This is not about the glory days. I’m not sitting here saying dang high school was the best! No, this is more about the future than the past.

Lately I’ve been looking through all my pictures from our trip to amazing trip to Europe. It helps me forget that I can’t travel right now. But it wasn’t a perfect trip. When April and I landed in London I was so anxious about if I would be able to sleep or not, I was nearly sure that insomnia would ruin my trip. Yet, God stepped in and told me to let go. After recovering from jet lag, I slept well all month long. Memories from that trip have been keeping me going. Yet, a year ago this week, as I first wrote this, April and I were in Edinburgh and Amsterdam.

It rained the entire time we were in Scotland and the temperatures were over 100 degrees in Amsterdam. We hiked up Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh and it was so crowded it nearly stole my joy. But now, as I checked my Facebook memories from the trip, I saw the picture of us from Arthur’s seat and my caption said, “It’s good to remember that not ever day needs to be epic or even 100% enjoyable.” With that mindset I can remember that God took me to castles, dungeons, awesome houses, shire-like country sides, amazing churches, insane cliffs, and beautiful canals and he will take me on an adventure again. As I look back over those pictures, I am reminded of how God provided for me and I know I will be able to travel again. But for now, I will rest in the beauty he has set right in front of me.

Yet, sometimes when I look at pictures from the past I do not see beauty and I need to know that living in is an awfully big adventure in itself. Right now we are stuck in a pandemic, civil unrest, and a nasty political season. Every September, as I look at my Facebook Memoirs, I am reminded how I nearly died of necrotizing pneumonia. Five years ago today, I had tubes coming out of my side. I have a couple of pictures from this time and when I look at them it breaks me. One is of tubes coming out of my side, one is of me in the hospital trying to walk around my hallway, and another is of my scar. This wasn’t a time I wanted to remember. Now as I look back at this difficult time, I am reminded that God brought me through the fire. Even more so as I look back at that horrible time in my life I can see how he was standing next to me through it all. Typically this brings me to tears. I see my scars and I know how he was there for me.

Maybe go and look at some of your pictures. See the beauty in the trips you have been able to take and the beauty in the difficult times too, it will help you take a deep breath and know God is in control. I do not look at my pictures so that I am stuck in the past, but to remind myself that God has saved me, he is saving me, and he will save me with the beauty of this world and the ability to travel through it. If God is with me during the hard times, I know he will bring a beautiful adventure into my life in the future. Honestly, there is probably plenty of beauty taking place right now, I just need to open my eyes, my ears, and my heart to it. Here’s too more beautiful adventures!

Where’s The Wonder

June 5, 2020Brendan Scott

A couple of weeks ago I couldn’t find my wedding ring. I thought I was going to have to search through the trash, like I had to for April’s ring. I was excited about having another adventure that came from a messy situation, but not necessarily excited about digging in the trash. When I wrote about finding April’s wedding ring in the trash, I challenged myself, and those of you who gave that blog a read, to look for beauty in all situations. I felt inspired to write a blog about how we need to expect beauty from this time sheltering at home. Fortunately my ring was on my nightstand. You all missed out on another adventure in the trash. Just imagine a second blog about dumpster diving. But maybe we all feel like we are dumpster diving right now and all the blogs I was going to write from February until now, weren’t needed (or I am just giving myself an excuse for not writing while I stepped away from social media for Lent which ended up feeling weird because once all the social distancing hit, I tried to tell God that I hadn’t planned on giving up that much) If only fixing our current state of social distancing was as easy as looking for my ring right where I left it.

Yet, I think choosing to live in an adventure right now is more important than ever. We are stuck at home, even though some, like my wife who just went back to work at the library, have been able to go back to work. We still live in a world where hate can rear it’s ugly face. I have no clue how to respond to the murders that have taken place over the last couple months. When Ahmad Abrey was murdered by two white men I felt overwhelmed and now we are in the middle of the unrest caused by George Floyd’s murder at the hands of four police officers. I am sad and it all feels like too much for me. I cling to the hope that God gives me and the knowledge that he is in control. He has asked me to love my neighbor, and so even though I can’t go over and hug them, I can let my neighbors know I love them, by being there for them if they need food or a person to listen to. And with a six year old boy as a neighbor, who loves to throw toys into our yard and will talk our ears off if we let him, that sure is an adventure.

But adventuring into the wild seems like a whimsical desire, especially in our current social climate. Everyone is at arms. We are trying to mask ourselves for protection, but masked we feel free to fight on line and in line. So I am hesitant to write and publish a blog that seems simple in such a complex world, but hear me out. I love being out in the mountains, but wouldn’t it be fantastic to go back to work and to feel some sort of normal? Week by week we’re all experiencing an adventure not even the most introverted person finds enjoyable. How many times can I walk around my block, Zoom with my church, or FaceTime with my family and friends without any outside human contact? Although, I’ve been reading with my nephew Linc and I think that I could read with him all day. He’s reading me a story about how to be a warrior. Sometimes there are blessings for us even in the times we feel out of whack.

As April and I have been sheltering at home, we have been watching The Office on Netflix. As all media outlets inundated us with bad news, we needed something to make us laugh. Maybe a true adventurer knows how to find joy even in the darkest of times. Well, last night we watched the last episode and April and I were both sobbing. I guess that’s what we deserve for streaming a show so we could laugh and escape for a while. The Office is more than a show for laughs, it tells the tale of an American workplace and as the nine seasons unfold it is impossible not to love each character. It struck me as I rewatched the series finale that the show is about connecting with the people you work with through love. I think I long to work in a place where I feel loved and can love back in return. The characters on The Office feel like family (All the good and the bad). Isn’t that what we all long for, a family (the good and the bad) and yet right now we can’t even go to work and many of us are separated from our families.

Yet, here we are at home and so how do we adventure? Where is the wonder in a life so detached? Maybe it is in being whole hearted. My nephew Breck is the most whole hearted kid I know. I was able to join a FaceTime call with him the other day during breakfast. He wanted to show me the turtles that he and his brothers have found while they’ve been exploring. Breck is well on his way to becoming a turtle expert. Earlier in the day he was feeling left out because his little brother had received a letter from Nana, but now his smile was wide. His wonder is contagious. He is five-and-a-half and he knows that something weird is going on with the world. But he is living each day in the little moments. I forgot to mention that he was in a tree while we FaceTimed. I wonder if we can live like my five-and-a-half-year-old nephew through this pandemic and remember to live in each moment, choosing to love those around us.

One of my favorite bible verses is a quote from Jesus about being like a child. “Truly I tell you,” he says, “unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (MATT 18: 3). Our world is flipped upside down right now, but maybe we should go climb a tree and look for a little wonder. Maybe we should live movement by moment instead of worrying about if and when this pandemic will end.

Living moment by moment is why I am trying to write again. During Lent I sat in silence and then I felt like I didn’t have anything to say as the world seemed to crash around us all. But I don’t want to live in worry. I want to live in a world where I am working and living in a community filled with love, but maybe that will only happen if I choose to live in wonder each moment of the day.

Beautiful adventures can come in many different forms, so take joy in what you are streaming, who you are zooming with, and in your wonderful family members you FaceTime with or might feel stuck with as you shelter in place. Beautiful adventures might even look like loving on someone you disagree with or responding in love even if you do not feel the love in return.

The front of the Anne Frank House where Anne and her family hid for two years during World War Two.

We can find beauty in the darkest of times and when we do, we find hope. I had my eighth grade students read Anne Frank’s Diary while they were learning from home. Every time I read her diary it hits me that she knew how horrible people could be, but that she choose to respond in love. She said, “I’ve found that there is always some beauty left — in nature, sunshine, freedom, in yourself; these can all help you . . . I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” Like the world Anne lived in, our world is broken and in need of the help that is found in beauty.

And when your adventure feels difficult, thank me because I have been praying for adventures to happen for everyone I know, and remember, the best is yet to come.

Cuts To Grace

May 31, 2020Brendan Scott

Cuts To Grace

This has been a season of Lament. I wrote what follows as a lament. It is not perfect, but it is what I have been processing through over the last couple of months. I see hope and beauty in the dark times even as I mourn for the losses we have all suffered. I am angry at the choas in our world, yet I know my God is a God who redeems. He will win and in his victory all that has been lost will be made new. All that has gone wrong will be made right. I know this is true, because I know what he has done for me. I look at my scars and I see the how deep the beauty cuts.

“For if he causes grief, then He will have compassion according to His abundant lovingkindness.” -Lamentations 3:32-33 (I do not believe God has caused Covid-19 nor the death of George Floyd, but I do know he will have compassion on us.)

I reap what I sow

So I plant seeds of love and kindness

But the seeds could not grow as expected

Instead in my four walls I’ve sheltered

My classroom is empty

Zoom calls are ignored

I’m still teaching, but is anyone listening

Who is to blame? My students cry out for their loss

Gone is time with friends

Gone are my sports season

Gone are the Graduations

Gone are the vacations

Gone are the high fives

Gone are the warm hugs

Gone are meals out

Gone our the jobs

Gone are Goodbyes

Gone are new hellos

Gone is our breath

Gone, gone, gone

Our world is masked for protection

But masked we fight on line and in line

Disconnected and discontent.

Full of grief we weep.

Yet, I know I’m not forgotten

God has remained by my side

My God turns gravestones to gardens

My scars declare beauty

Ashes to beauty, cuts to grace

His love is in the laughter

Beauty behind the blue sky

Beauty is always left, in nature, sunshine,

Freedom, in yourself; and in God’s love for you.

I can think of all the beauty around me

It makes me happy

And I know the best is yet to come.

Hope in beauty, not that of the sunrise or sunset

But of the love God grants me when all good seems gone.

Because grace is not gone

I cannot do enough good to sow a perfect world

Brokenness remains, but there is beauty in the healed scars.

I can still love kindness and walk with my God.

Social Media Shakeup: Living A Beautiful Adventure For Lent

February 25, 2020Brendan Scott

Fifteen years ago this February, I opened up an account on Facebook. It was probably a Friday night and one of my friends felt like I would fix all of my problems by finding friends on what was then called The Facebook.

Flash forward to 2011 and I decided to give up Facebook for Lent. I was living in Guatemala and I used the heck out of Facebook to stay connected to all of my friends and family back in Colorado. Forty some odd days off of Facebook was freeing. I stopped feeling the need to post my every thought. But I also felt like I lost contact with certain people and to a certain extent I don’t feel like I have ever reconnected with everyone. But I had wanted to give God my time that I typically gave Facebook.

I also wanted to make funny videos of my time away from Facebook (they used to be posted to this blog, but have since vanished). I think I wanted my time off Facebook to make me a popular blogger. Maybe my dream was for people to finally see all the awesome things I was writing about in Guatemala. Nine years later and I am still not sure if anyone is reading.

But I don’t blog so that I get found. At least not anymore. My goal for my blog and for everything I post is to help spread joy. In the past fifteen years, along with Facebook, I have joined Twitter and Instagram. Typically these networks are very positive elements in my life (I tend to stay away from harmful interactions). If I post a picture on Instagram, as I have for nearly every day over the past six years, it is meant to help people see something fun, beautiful, and joyful. When I blog I’m hoping to tell a story about God’s goodness in my life so that my readers (you amazing few) might see God in their own stories.

Yet tomorrow Lent starts and I want to shake up my life on social media. Lent, for me, is all about surrendering something to God so maybe when I crave what I surrendered I seek His comfort. I want to be hungry for Christ this Easter. I want all of me to long for him to be resurrected. So I am going to step away from Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Posting a daily photo is a challenge for me because it forces me to look for joy and beauty so now I am going to have to find a way to see beauty without needing to take a picture and share it. I will have to trust that people will find joy and beauty without me.

As I write this I know it feels a little odd to be talking about how I am letting go of social media for Lent on a social media platform, but I want everyone to have an adventure and so I blog. Maybe by surrendering things I love I can find the freedom God has for me and inspire those around me to take a risk and trust God too.

So no story about how I saw God’s beauty in the trash or how I experienced Him in the wild, maybe those will come in my next blog. Tonight I want to leave you with a beautiful image of a door. I am going to open that door and seek out more of the beauty God has for me and I hope you do too.

(well I won’t be opening this particular one in the picture because I would have to travel back to England and go to the Cotswolds where this door sits at the North End of a Church and many years ago inspired J.R.R. Tolkien)

Beautiful Adventure

December 31, 2019Brendan Scott

2019 was a beautiful adventure. It was full of grand adventures and small beautiful moments. This past year was also as difficult as it was beautiful but through it all I know God was fathering me; teaching me how to be the man he created me to be when he formed me.

2019 brought an awesome change to my life with April as we bought a house. Then we traveled through Europe and we were able to spend all month together without having to go to work. But it was a difficult year too. A couple of my students decided to harass me online and even though my sleep has improved, I am still not sleeping perfectly.

Through all of the good and the bad God has taught me to look to him and as him, what do you have for me in this? His answer has been always been to prompt me to open my eyes to the beauty around me.

Just tonight as I was leaving basketball practice the sun was setting and the colors shown across the sky. It reminded me that I am loved. Beauty can be anywhere and I could spend this entire blog listing the times I saw an awesome sunset or went on a glorious hike, but that is not why I am writing. I want to challenge my readers and myself to look for beauty when it is not expected. With our eyes open, God will surprise us. He wants you to know he loves you.

April and I had been traveling through the United Kingdom this summer. We had saved for a little over two years to be able to go to Europe. Each city we visited along the way was a treat all on its own. But the best, and most fun was when we landed in Amsterdam. It was 100 degrees out and we had no desire to take the train into the city from the airport and then lug all of our bags to our hotel. We’d been sticking to our transportation budget since we blew about 100 dollars on a taxi to the wrong Hilton in London (you would think that since we speak the same language it would be easier to travel from the airport to your hotel after a full day of not sleeping), so we had a little bit of money set aside for the small extravagance for a taxi.

Amsterdam airport is set up so that only a select group of taxis can transport passengers into the city. So we walked to the stand and figured we would take what we would get and we would pay for it too. I hailed the taxi, the driver took our luggage, and we hopped inside. It was the nicest car I had ever been in. A Tesla SUV. What a treat. When we rolled up to our hotel people started taking pictures of us and the car.

We then had a bellhop take out stuff into the hotel, which capped off the entire experience. April and I felt like royalty. Think of it, I am a teacher and she works for the library. We are normal people. God just wanted to give us a beautiful gift. As we got to our room, which had air conditioning (A must in a 100 degree heat wave), I couldn’t stop laughing at how God is lavish with his love. Riding in a Tesla was a small thing, it’s just a car, but it made my day.

God is constantly doing things to make our days. He is opening up beautiful surprises for us we just have to open our eyes to what he has. And then on our way out of Amsterdam, we figured we didn’t need to be extravagant again so we just had our hotel call us a taxi. We didn’t need a Tesla, so God sent us a Jaguar.

God has done things like this over and over again throughout my year. God cares about my heart and helping me feel alive. He sent two beautiful cars to drive me around in a beautiful city just to remind me that he loves me.

My hope for 2020 is that I can continue to keep my eyes open to the beauty God has for me.

Anxiety, Adventures, and Aspens

October 20, 2019Brendan Scott

Do not be anxious about anything, but pray and be thankful.- Philippians 4:6 Yeah, but what about my life? Last week after I posted about needing to open up about my sleep problems I was attacked by two straight nights of anxiety filled sleep.

Yay, time to practice all the advice I gave out (I am not sure you can sense my sarcasm). After midnight, my mind doesn’t want to think logically. It just wants to sleep so when my heart feels the flames of fear and my brain begins to bounce back and fourth from one thought to another, it has taken practice to slow myself down. But I took a breath and remembered all of the times God has provided for me in times of turmoil.

I am learning to breathe in and think of beautiful things. Breathe out and release my fear. Beauty beats anxiety.

The world we live in is beautiful. No I am not naive, I know of pain and suffering, but even in the darkest of times God’s beauty abounds.

Two weeks ago April and I traveled up to Breckenridge to go aspen leaf peeping. The beauty of Breckenridge in the fall is astounding. As we drove up Boreas Pass I was reflecting on the last year and all my sleep struggles. The previous year when we came up to Breckenridge my sleep was an absolute mess and I had hoped that a little time away would fix it. It didn’t. But the beauty of the aspens left needing to catch my breath. When aspen leaves rustle in the wind, I am not sure there is a more calming sound.

Aspens are amazing in how they are all one organism so that each tree supports the collective whole. Every year aspens cycle through life. In the spring they start to bud new leaves that turn deep great through the next couple months of summer. In the fall they made their most drastic change when the leaves change from green to gold, red, and yellow only to fall off by winter time. All winter aspens are bare, but then they are reborn in the spring. This happens every year. God takes care of his creation.

Driving over Boreas Pass God took me up into his beauty and reminded me that if he cares that much to create a beautiful tree he also cares for me. On our way down to Como, on the other side of the pass, April and I parked our car and walked down into a grove of aspens. Standing under the rustling leaves I felt Jesus was next to me saying, “look out over the aspens and don’t be anxious. Don’t worry about if you sleep well or if work goes well. Aspens don’t work, they are fed by me. If I cloth the aspens in such beauty, don’t you think I will take care of you too?”

He cares about beauty and goodness. So I whatever is good and beautiful, think on those things. When I am struggling to sleep, I’ve started to think about the beautiful aspens up in the mountains. Remembering that God has provided for me in the past and he will provide for me in the future.

He has sent me on beautiful adventures, both big and small so when my brain boiled with fear this week I decided to remember the beauty of Boreas Pass and how God loves me more than aspen trees. Because of that I know that the best is yet to come.

Stress, Sleep, and Surrender: September 2019

October 13, 2019Brendan Scott

Maybe you are reading this because you haven’t mastered the tick to falling asleep. Maybe you are like me and sleep has started to evade you. Surrendering to sleep seems like a weird thing that we do every day. Sleep is vulnerable, we lie there, prone and oblivious to all that is going on in the world, and yet without it we will waste away. Worrying about what will happen to me while I sleep is not why I’ve had trouble slipping off into sleep. What I get anxious about is plain old sleep and work. My brain just won’t turn off sometimes because I am stuck in a cycle of anxiety and stress. As I have struggled to sleep God kept reminding me He wanted my heart no matter the situation. I couldn’t control my life. He was taking back the things that were his anyway. God wanted me to surrender and open up about my struggles.

Finally, a little over a year ago, I told my older sister that I was struggling with sleep. She said, “me too.” That moment of connection was what I needed. It was as if I had been heard. I started to sleep soundly again. Yet here we are deep into 2019 and I am taking a small amount of sleeping pills during the work week and I still occasionally wake up sweaty.

I am not sure why my sleep patterns haven’t fixed themselves and I am doing my best not to stress over the answer. The best thing to do while going through a difficult or painful situation is not to ask why or try to interpret what is going on. Struggling to figure out the meaning of my sleepless nights only led to more sleepless nights. Maybe part of why sleep has not come easy could be my silence; my refusal to surrender to God’s will and share what He has been doing in my life.

But this September I felt challenged to open up about my sleep problems. Every September I celebrate how God showed up when I was in the hospital due to Necrotizing Pneumonia. I realized if I can share about how God used that pain, I needed to open up about what God was doing in my life now. I was being selfish by holding back on talking about my sleep pain. I would rather have God use my pain than waste it. So I am opening up. Millions of Americans suffer from sleep deprivation and maybe I can help.

I have learned that instead of asking God why I am awake in the middle of the night or unable to fall asleep, I want to ask God what are you doing in me? He wants my heart no matter the situation. So each night I am practicing letting go of my own desires. God has taken care of my finances, my wife, my health, and everything else I have surrendered to him. If I do not sleep well, he gives me what I need to make it through the next day.

I do not want to keep silent about my sleep or lack thereof because God has been too good to me and I want to praise him for that. At night when I can’t sleep, I have decided to sit with Him and pray. Some nights I leave my bed and go to the couch where I sit with my hands palm up on my knees. I breathe deeply and listen for God. I think of the beauty I have seen in His world and know that He is in control. I surrender to him and trust that if He can make a world where Aspens exist, He can love me even in my stress. He might never heal me of this sleep problem, but all the while He is making me into the man he created me to be. And isn’t that the ultimate adventure?

Stress and Sleeplessness

October 6, 2019October 6, 2019Brendan Scott

Teachers live for summer, right? Freedom for adventure right at your feet, or just to use the bathroom whenever. Oh and all the extra sleep, but sleep started to stress me out during the summer of 2018.

Yes, that was over a year ago, but for the longest time I felt like if I talked about how much I was struggling to sleep, my sleep patterns would worsen. But I don’t believe that anymore and here is how God helped me change my mindset.

In 2018 my adventures seemed limited to waking up in the middle of the night, taking care of my landlords house, and worrying about being able to provide for my wife. I was attempting to control my little world but God wanted me to surrender.

When I would wake up worrying about our finances. He would tell me he was in control anyway. I would wake up worried about healthy eating and my physical health. God would remind me that he has always taken care of me and that no matter what he wants the best for me. I started worrying about taking care of the house we were living in. I didn’t want to be thinking about these things so early in the morning. Time and time again God would remind me that the best life is a life surrendered to him.

Yet, I stressed on. I wanted to be able to provide for April, buy us a house, and make us successful. Surrender is difficult, so I didn’t sleep.

Without sleep, my rhythm has been off. I cannot blame it on where I live, bad air conditioning, poor heating, or the fact that my wife is a furnace. Figuratively and literally! When we are next to one another in bed my body temp starts to rise, which doesn’t let me sleep. Like I said, last summer I started stressing about many different things, but most of all I stressed about how hot I was when I was hoping to be asleep or I would stress about sleep.

A little history on my sleep patterns. When I was in the seventh and eighth grade I started struggling to fall asleep because I was too busy thinking up the statistics for Terrill Davis and the other Denver Broncos. During 1998, when TD would run for 2008 yards on the season, I started calculating what he needed to do to reach that feat each night as I lay in bed. Soon sleep outweighed my desire to not worry about stats. My solution was a fan to drown out my thoughts. Over the years the fan has morphed into prayer time at night, a thankfulness journal, and a rain noise app on my phone.

On nights when none of these solutions worked, I used I would envision a peaceful field or hike and I would take myself into that situation and fall into a dream so over the last year when I just couldn’t fall back to sleep I was unsure what to do when my mind would not shut off.

I felt like I was lost in a sleep deprived haze. My brain buzzed. I was waking up with my heart pounding and in a puddle of sweat. I was stressed, but I didn’t want to talk about it and this made me feel alone. Why was this happening? Over the last year I feel like I would turn a corner and recapture that mythic ability to sleep through the night and then I would go and talk about it. Someone would ask me, “how are you sleeping” and I would crash. I was convinced that if I talked about my sleep, I would start stressing about it, and therefore, I wouldn’t sleep well. So I kept silent. I refused to surrender and my adventure seemed to stall out. But that would change in September. More on that next week.

My Little Sister

March 31, 2018Brendan Scott

Emmy is an award that we have won. She’s my little sister and she makes being an older brother joyful. I love having a little sister. It’s like having a built in friend who will join in on hikes, sit down on the couch with me and binge watch Psych, and stand up with me at my wedding.

Emmy is life and she knows how to live it. You know that’s right! I remember the first time I held her. I was nine-years-old and the bundle of energy in my arms had to be the most amazing answer to prayer ever. At age zero and a couple of days, I could tell her small hands and toes were just meant to be tickled. Her laugh and smile held boundless potential. Most of that potential was spent making me smile.

As an older brother, I thought it was my job to make her smile. This didn’t always mean being a goof for her, but sometimes attempting to guide her in the right direction. What big brother doesn’t want to help his little sister avoid all the bumps, scrapes, and mistakes he made growing up. Wisdom abounded and I knew I wanted to guide her along the way.

Emmy never brushed her hair when she was little. It was a wild brown mess. A birds nest. So I made a bet with her. Brush your hair for 20 straight days and if she did, I would have to pay her 20 dollars, but if she didn’t manage to brush her hair every day, I’d take home the money.

C’mon son! I don’t remember what I spent that 20 dollars on. My intent was to help her learn hygiene and I was willing to pay her to do so. Emmy was a grumpy Gus, but paid up begrudgingly, but no, I didn’t earn anything for brotherly love.

My little sister didn’t need me to teach her how to brush her hair. If I remember correctly, she started brushing her hair last week, or in middle school. I’ve heard it both ways. Anyway, she now has long beautiful hair and great hygiene. She wasn’t too apt to listening to my future guidance. It took me a while to realize that it wasn’t my job to guide Emmy and her true guide was Christ. He forgave my controlling missteps into Emmy’s life, thankfully so did she.

Emmy is a wild adventurous girl. As a kindergartner she went on a hike and started her adventure with Christ. As adventurous as Emmy is, Christ is even more of an adventurer. He did not let her go. After a wild high school experience where we weren’t sure if she would graduate He sent her to Guatemala. I never stopped praying for her and joy filled me when God broke through. She was serving the underprivileged in the third world. She came back a stronger woman and with a calling.

She returned alive in Christ and even more my little sister than ever. But even more than Emmy being my little sister, she is a great friend. She may have thought that she could do everything I could do whens he was nine and I was 18, namely go for an all-nighter with my high school friends. Face flaming with furry, Emmy stormed down the stairs. Turns out, she thought I was going on an adventure and wanted to join me.

Now. her adventurous attitude inspires me. She works as child whisperer at an in-between home for foster children. Her stories are filled with curse words, mostly the ones the boys at her home hurl at her. She is firm with them and I can tell that they love her. Maybe because she tricks them into arm wrestling and doesn’t take any of their crap. Maybe I did train her well cause she stopped taking my crap long ago.

I am proud that April asked her to stand next to her as her maid of honor because I know she is strong enough to have our backs. She is a hiker. A fighter. She loves boldly, is a faithful friend, and needs a puppy in her life, just like me. I am so glad I can call her my little sister.