Relationships – Adventure With Brendan

Why I Changed Houses And Jobs

September 10, 2022Brendan Scott

This is a love story. A story of choosing love of my wife, my family, and myself over comfort and safety. This is about trusting God no matter what.

If you are an avid Adventure With Brendan reader, other than my parents, you might be wondering where I’ve been. It’s been about Six ish months since I last checked in, and in those past months, April and I have sold our house, bought a new one, and I have changed jobs. I didn’t go into 2022 thinking of changing anything other than maybe Sofia’s diapers. I am an expert at this as she only cries a little when I put her on the changing pad. I’ve learned that Sofia likes to hold a toy when being changed. As for all my changes, I’ve only cried a little.

Back in May right as the school year was ending, we were packing up our first house. We bought this house at the right time back in 2019 before the housing market really took fire and now we were moving out. A couple of weeks before I had thought that moving out over the last weekend of school would be perfect. It was perfectly stressful so the tears I shed when April and I stood in our first house, now empty and clean, were ones of relief and sorrow. We decided to sell our house and move because we want to have a larger family. Our first house was a blessing. Sofia was born there, well not literally. It was in the area my parents grew up in and so close to my grandpa’s house and my grandma’s apartment making it an endearing familiar location, and it gave April and me the ability to start gardening. But with a little baby, two dogs, and April’s parents living with us, we needed more room. In the extremely hot housing market, our first house blessed us with the ability to buy a new one.

This change wasn’t easy. Our old house was close to my work, but I was willing to look at houses closer to April’s job because she’d been driving over an hour a day and now that we have Sofia, I knew that her drive needed to be shortened. Yet, finding a new house was a challenge. One that reminded me of dating or trying to date while being a middle schooler. When I was in middle school I probably had crushes on at least ten girls at a time. I would fixate on one girl who was at the top of my list, but always be too shy to talk to her. Then a new girl would enter my life. Maybe she was in my church group or in a new class. Anyway, she would jump to the top of the list and I would be okay that the previous girl at the top of my list hadn’t worked out. How does this connect to house buying. Well, April and I started house hunting over a year ago, which means all of the houses we liked were ones we couldn’t even pursue as we had to sell our house first to qualify for a loan. This helped me hold lightly to what might be my dream home. I would fixate on a home, like I used to fixate on that girl back in middle school. Dream about what our lives would be like there, and then someone else would buy it. No matter, the next week another house would pop up and I would love it and dream about it and then have to move on because it too would be taken off the market in days. Well, then we sold our house and had the money to buy. So we were now actually hunting for our new home and the houses we were dreaming about were real options. But I knew I needed to hold onto the feelings I had for the possible new house lightly. Just like my middle school crushes, the cute new house would infatuate me, but then vanish, only to be replaced by a new one the very next week. April and I had a list of houses we loved. If only we could have this one we would have such the house! But this other one is so amazing we could do house things there! We would say. But we held each house crush loosely. We even pulled an offer on a house that had a basketball court in the back yard. Because we were willing to be patient. I knew there would be a hot new house just like in middle school there was always a hot new crush in my life. So no need for heartbreak when it didn’t work out. This way of living is what led me to April, the hottest crush of all time and then eventually to our new home. God led us to the right house. Even when we were waiting to see if our offer was going to be accepted, I knew it would be okay.

I knew it would be okay because I had April by my side. I might not have talked to very many of my middle school crushes, but now God lets me talk to April every day. We get to look into each others’ eyes and smile. Her smile lights up my eyes and reminds me of God’s grace. Grace for all the middle school failures at love. Grace for wanting perfection the first try. Our first house wasn’t perfect. April and I are learning how to love perfectly, through God’s perfect love. His love has called me to sacrifice for my hottest crush of all time. So when we found our house and our offer was accepted, I was willing to have the longer drive to work. For the past eight years I have worked for Jefferson Jr. Sr. High School. I have built life long friendships with my coworkers and even some of my students. But I felt God asking me to choose my family over my job. Working in a title one school comes with its joys and its traumas. Over the last year I have written about my time in therapy. On the last day of school I told all of my freshmen how much I loved them and I was excited to see them after the summer, I meant it. And then I found out I had a job interview at Regis Jesuit, a school I applied to when God challenged me to think about change and as a bonus one less than ten minutes away from my new home. I knew if I were offered the job at Regis Jesuit, I would take it because I love my wife and my family. As much trauma as I have felt with at Jefferson, I was willing to go back because of my students and coworkers, but I want to be a husband who is their both physically and emotionally for my wife and my kids (Sofia and her doggy brothers Gryffin and Phoenix). Driving more than an hour a day isn’t what I wanted for them. So when the interview went well I cried a bit. Changes is difficult, but my family is work it. After a weekend of prayer, I called Regis Jesuit back and accepted their offer. I am excited to start my new job, but at the same time, I’m going to miss all my old students. I messaged many of them so that they would know how much I care for them. All of them said that my new school was going to be lucky and that my new students would love me too.

So I started my new job a month ago and I love it. The change has been very good. I changed because I love my wife and I want to trust God with a new adventure. He will take care of the students I left behind. He will love on them and provide for them. He brought me into a new house and a new job because he wants me to live a love story. One where I choose Him and then my wife and Sofia (who just turned one two weeks ago!) over everything.

Six Months of Dad Life Has Me Stunned!

March 25, 2022Brendan Scott

Sofia has giggled her way into my life and stollen my heart along the way. I had no doubt that this was going to happen when she burst into our lives six months ago (ok, officially seven months tomorrow, but dang where did the time go?). But I didn’t know exactly how much my life would change.

The moment she was born I knew I couldn’t stay the man I was, even if maybe I was a good man. I had to learn to say no! Not to Sofia, at least not yet. I have to say no at my job. I’ve been a teacher for well over a decade and I love my students, but if I want to be more than a good man, and maybe even a good dad, my baby girl has to be a priority.

The first no was a very difficult one because it was to a good thing. Before the pandemic, I coached high school girls basketball. We weren’t the winningest team, but we were a team built on love. As much as I love my girls team, I had to say no to coaching basketball this year. My former team needed an assistant coach at the start of the year and I wanted to say yes, but I knew I needed to be home with Sofia. Saying no gave me time to take Sofia on walks, soar her through the air, and change her diapers. Fortunately me saying no to basketball was also good for the team. They ended up winning nine games this year!

Saying no to work has challenges. I am not sure my new boss is a fan of work life balance. When I was on paternity leave, she made it clear she wanted me to keep working. Even going as far as telling me that my grades weren’t posting when I was on break. Since I have been back to work, she keeps insinuating things about working more, but I’ve been learning to balance my job and little Sofia (as well as April, Gryffin, and Phoenix). I am not sure I have been successful, which might be why this blog is coming out a month late. Whatever is happening though, I want to choose my family first.

I love the students I teach, but when I first started teaching I thought I could pursue my dreams of writing creatively (not just blogging and you all might have noticed that’s been a struggle lately too). But I have had to say no to any writing due to emotional exhaustion. Even in the summer after the school year has ended, I need about a month to decompress. Sofia and her cutie cute smile has me thinking that things need to change.

Not only am I learning to put my family first by saying no to work (even the good parts of work), I am putting my family first by being active in caring for Sofia. When she’s crying in the middle of the night (and I hear it), I do my best to help sooth her. For the past month or so, this has meant letting the little one sleep in our bed. We are hoping to transition her to her crib here soon because April and I want our king sized bed back. I also do my best to change as many diapers as I can. Sofia typically cries when being changed, but I love making her laugh. A belly fart typically does it. The other night I had her laughing up a storm just by saying the word dog.

Sofia has me saying yes too little or no sleep just so I can care for her. I’m sure April (who gets way less sleep than me because Sofia prefers breast milk over bottle) would say I say no to late nights, but how can I say no if I am sound asleep and I just don’t hear anything. Both April and I see any of the late night feedings or diaper changes as chances to love on Sofia, and in that way Sofia has me saying yes all the time.

Last night we had to say no to Sofia. We started sleep training and so she found herself in her crib which is located in her own room. I’ve grown used to having our little lady in the room with us, but if April and I want to sleep well, we have to help Sofia sleep in her own room. So there were tears, not just mine, but Sofia’s. We checked on her after five minutes, then 15, then 30. She fell asleep, but then woke herself up and puked. We cleaned her up and April fed her some more only to try again. She passed out. I felt horrible for putting Sofia through that ordeal, but it will be good for her. I will readjust to her not being in our room. It is okay that I didn’t sleep well, what matters is that Sofia did.

And so even on little to no sleep I’m still saying yes to singing for Sofia. I’m not sure when Sofia was born that I knew I would start singing around the house again. I used to sing quite a bit (especially if no one was listening) but now it is my go to for Sofia’s entertainment. I guess in a way, I am saying yes to some things that make be feel a bit awkward and scared.

I’ve been trying to speak Spanish to Sofia which has been fun and awkward. I’m not the best at Spanish even though I lived in Guatemala for three years and was tutored privately because speaking incorrectly makes me scared. But I want to help my daughter be able to speak to her abuelos so I am saying yes to speak more Spanish.

I’ve also said yes to April’s parents moving in with us. April’s mom has been watching Sofia while April and I go to work. At times it is difficult because my house feels crowded, but I want to be a dad who helps his family and April’s family is my family. Both abuelos love Sofia so much and I want Sofia to know that her entire family loves her.

Maybe in the future I’ll be saying yes to playing dolls and painting nails with her. Whatever God has for my family and me, I want to say yes to Him and His adventures. I want Sofia to know what faith looks like. I want Sofia to see me saying yes to my own dreams so she knows what a real adventure looks like.

How My Year of Becoming Was A Mess

January 1, 2022Brendan Scott

2021 is wrapping up and I’d say its been a messy one. Diapers are messy! Being a dad is messy! And I love it!

This year has been my year of becoming. For me the idea of becoming is one of letting go of perfection and being okay with the process of life. As I wrote at the end of 2020, I am under construction. I think if I am becoming, I need to be okay with the mess.

Maybe Sofia is in on this life lesson. April and I had all the plans the world to have her four month picture taken in some of her cutest Christmas clothes, but each time we put her in them, she would have a massive blowout. Sofia is a four month old who is learning how to live so I would I not be okay with her having a blowout or two or 50? Also, her smile as we changed her diaper just makes me love her more.

On January first, 2021 I became a dog parent again. On January first April and I brought Phoenix into our house. After bringing Gryffin into our lives in 2020, we decided a puppy brother would be the best thing for him and us. Well, Phoenix is a crazy kid who lives life at two speeds tornado and cuddle. Phoenix is still a puppy and his excitement for life is contagious. But with two dogs, we can’t seem to clean up the messes they leave behind. I can either choose to love my dogs or have a perfectly clean house.

I became an expectant dad. Two days after taking Phoenix in, on January third we found out that April was pregnant and for the next nine months the mess was yet to come. As Sofia grew in April’s womb I tried to keep the house clean, but it was a battle I couldn’t win. I could either clean all the time or spend time with April. This became a big issue that I took to my therapist. He challenged me to be okay with not cleaning. I felt like if I could clean the house for April, I was showing my worth to her. She told me she needed me to be there with her. The house has been much messier since then.

Through the 2020-21 school year I became an online teacher and it was a mess. Not because I taught from my home through zoom, much of the time in my pjs. Not because I had to figure out new ways to connect with my students, which I think I was successful at doing. I loved being home with my dogs and my students loved seeing them. But teaching through a platform I was never trained to use and being evaluated by my administration (who had never taught on zoom either) as if I were teaching in the classroom was stressful. But as soon as I started giving myself grace and embraced the mess of teaching in a way I’d never taught before, I found joy in my job.

I started therapy and I became okay with my feelings, even the anxious ones. Therapy gave me a way to talk through all my feelings. The best part of going to a therapist is being told it is okay to feel what I am feeling. The worst part is when I go to the therapist it seems like I have to deal with the things in my life which means things have gotten a little messy.

God challenged me to go wild I became a backpacker again. In preparing for the trip I became a runner again (I had taken more than a year off of running). I took Gryffin on a backpacking trip that took me out of my comfort zone and into a swarm of mosquitoes. The trip was messy. That’s what happens when you have a group of guys with different goals and then you add in bad weather. But this mess was so good to be in because it was a situation that I couldn’t control. The mess of the trip made me trust God because I can’t control the weather or the mosquitos.

My water bill went up as I became a gardener. Spending more on water was worth it though. In 2020 April and I started a garden and so we decided 2021 we would try it again. Maybe it was because of all the rain we received this spring or maybe it’s because I have a green thumb, but our garden exploded. We had more tomatoes, cucumbers, jalapeños, and other garden varieties than we knew was to do with. Gardening is a mess especially when harvesting time happens right when your baby is due.

We still aren’t perfect pizza makers, but we’re having fun!

My pizza making improved as I became a canner. With all our produce from the garden, especially the tomatoes, April and I decided we wanted to can them so we could make pizza sauce year round. We were also able to make a delicious peach jalapeño jam because we found out we had a peach tree in our back yard. Canning was a fun learning experience alongside plenty of mold and broken glass. We also ruined several pizzas, to the point of tears as we figured out our Ooni Pizza Oven.

I was reminded how much I love working with kids as I became an in person teacher again. In August I went back into the building to teach for three weeks before April gave birth. This was a true mess as my long term sub was taken from me weeks before I was set to go on leave. But as soon as Sofia was born I had to let go of my classroom and know that even if it got a little messy for my students, it would be okay. After my two month paternity leave, my class was a mess, several students had stopped coming to class or had let their grades slip, but time with my family was worth that mess.

Finally, I became a dad! Sofia was born on August 26th. The coolest moment of my year was seeing her enter our world. Since then, being a dad has been filled with laughter and sleepless nights. I am not sure why I feel like things need to be perfect. My desire for perfection has brought on anxiety, but when I am okay with the mess around me I see how God is in control and I am able to relax in his hands.

Epic Daily Adventures

July 30, 2021Brendan Scott

Gryffin adventured out onto his first backpacking trip with a smile on his face. He’s my adventure dog and there is no trail he can’t follow, no rock he couldn’t hop up, nor no tree he couldn’t mark. We had an amazing time, but this week he’s faced a different kind of adventure. At the start of the week he was neutered.

I can relate to Gryffin, not that I’ve had my balls chopped off, but I have climbed to the top of many mountains (both metaphorical and real) and then struggled to see the glory of God in a daily routine that tries hard to weaken my manly heart. Can’t we all relate to Gryffin as we’ve all felt our hearts neutered by our daily life. We wake up each day, go to work, return home, eat something, all to repeat again and again. We need adventures.

Adventures typically look like my backpacking trip from last week. Backpacking adventures require me to go slowly, acknowledge that I am not in control, invite God into the adventure, and trust that God will protect me. My trip was filled with adventures, from the fish, to the hiking, and too many mosquitoes God reminded me he was in control and that He loves me. It sure was good for my heart. Over the last year I have been meeting with a group of guys over zoom to talk about what it means to become the man God created us to be. Mostly what we’ve learned that God wants us to be men who go slow, love deeply, and trust God with our hears. It has been a life bringing group and so when we decided to go backpacking, I knew I needed to go.

The band of brothers with whom I trekked

Starting our trek early after a fun night at basecamp, each man carried a heavy backpack and the weight of expecting the epic. Gryffin, however, just marched up the trail with me in tow. He seems to live in the moment and find joy whoever he is. When I let him off leash so he could play in the river he shook his tail with excitement. As he played we played. Sometimes being like a dog is a good thing. Gryffin never misses a chance to take in joy. This excitement lasted through the trip. Well, almost through the entire trip as we we’re attacked by a swarm of mosquitos. I don’t think any of us men thought this would be the opposition we faced. We planned for bears and other dangerous wildlife, but not pesky mosquitos. The mosquitoes made us reevaluate our trip. Due to fire danger, we couldn’t smoke the pests out and they were stopping us from having comfortable fellowship. So we prayed, asking God if we would be dealing with the mosquitos the entire time. God’s answer seemed to be a yes, and then He asked us, “what do you want out of your trip, because you need to fight for all of it.”

Each man on the trip wanted to experience the epic. The epic seems to come naturally out in nature because we aren’t in control. From mosquitos to sever weather, to fishing we couldn’t control our surroundings, which I find as epic. The fish were jumping right and left of my fly, but I just couldn’t entice them to bite my bait, but my heart was filled by the challenge. However, some of the men wanted more than fish (or missed fish), they desired an extreme hike. They wanted to face a challenge and see how they would fair. The challenge came on our way out. Due to the mosquitos we decided to leave a day early. But before we decided to leave, we asked God for direction over our plans.

As we prayed over what to do about the mosquitos and possibly leaving early, I brought up that God has joy for us and that he is our hope. This means that we do not need to place our hope in an epic hike or a mosquito free camping experience. For all of us it helped us reevaluate our expectations. Because God is our hope, then we don’t need a perfect backpacking trip. And because he is our hope he provided an epic experience for us (even if I wasn’t too enthusiastic about it).

As the only Colorado native on the hike, and the only experienced high mountain hiker, I didn’t feel like I needed a hard hike, but the rest of the guys wanted the challenge. As we started toward the Iron Ridge Trail, I was nervous about how Gryffin would do, as he had never hiked through rocks that would make up a scree field. If he struggled, I knew I couldn’t carry him. I also knew we were starting extremely late to be hiking above tree line which would put us at risk of being struck by lightning. Yards into the hike we lost the trail and had to back track. I felt like this was a sign that we should go back the way we hiked up to Lake Charles, yet we found the trail and pushed on. Then I asked the men to stop and pray to see if this was really how God wanted us to hike out. They heard that we would be protected. I heard that we should go back the way we came. Maybe I knew too much and this made me nervous. Maybe my common sense was what I really heard. In the high mountains it is very dangerous to summit anything after 12 pm and we were starting our hike at 1:00 pm. However, I was overruled and we trekked on.

We hiked on and God protected us from the weather. At one point there were storms on every mountain top around us, yet we were in the clear. When we reached the summit the men whooped and hollered. I marched on quickly. Gryffin was on a mission to dominate the trail and I didn’t want to risk the weather. He didn’t let the cliffs to our right or left scare him. He led us through the mountain top and down safely to our cars. It was awesome watching him hop up and down the rocks as if he were meant to live this adventurous life every day.

The one fish I caught. It was smaller in person.

Yet, every day doesn’t feel as adventurous as hiking through the mountain tops. But God has blessings for all of us even in our daily routines. Life can be adventurous, even on days when we stay home waiting for the vet to call us to pick up our little adventure dog. We can’t live on the top of mountains nor can we go backpacking and fishing everyday. So how do we find adventures in our daily life?

God wants to grant us the desires of our hearts. And yet I doubt many of us desired to feel nurtured in our daily life. So to allow Him to bless us, we must go slow, acknowledge that we are not in control, invite God into our days, and trust in God’s protection. He has joy for us and when our hope is in Him, we will find that joy. So in my daily life I try to do a few things to live an adventurous daily life. I give each day to God. This looks like me letting go of control and listening to God. I’ve been practicing this when I wake in the middle of the night and am feeling anxious. Most of the time what I hear from God is how much He loves me. Because He loves me, He is better at being in control of my life than I am. So when my week looks like the normal daily grind (including taking my dog back into the vet last night because he chewed off his stitches) I know he has beauty and joy for me.

Phoenix just wants to play with Gryffin.

As I attempt to find beauty I attempt to go slowly and open my eyes to all that God has for me. This allows me to see his beauty and helps break up the monotony. Maybe that beauty comes in the form of a sunset during my typical walk around the neighborhood or from a conversation with a friend, but neither can happen if I am rushing along. If I am going slowly I can engage with God and those around me. These are simple things that can fill my heart and help me feel adventurous even on days when my world feels as nurtured as my adventure dog.

Anniversary Adventures!

July 7, 2021Brendan Scott

April and I are celebrating our fourth anniversary! This year we decided to keep it simple. It might even seem like the same as any other day as we have already gone to the Denver Biscuit Company to pick up breakfast (we ate delicious biscuits while watching the Dinners, Drive-Ins and Dives episode that features the restaurant), but it won’t simply be another day. This day is marked by love and that makes it an adventure even if we don’t hike a mountain, travel around Europe, or shelter during covid. I’ve been learning about taking each day moment by moment, letting go of my expectations. So moment by moment on our fourth anniversary I am going to let God take over our plans for the day.

Four years ago, when April and I stood in front of our community and declared our love and commitment to one another, our day didn’t go as planned, but it was beautiful. My car went into lock down after I had accidentally tried to lock my car while the spare keys were in the trunk. It took a miracle to unlock the doors minutes before I needed to leave for Hudson Gardens. I barely made it to the ceremony in time. It was an adventure, but what really made the day was standing next to April, looking into her eyes, and knowing that God had our backs.

Three years ago, we went hiking in Rocky Mountain National Park and ate burgers in Estes Park. I had an Elk burger and she had a Bison burger. She liked my meal more than her own. April had planned out a great celebration of our love. At the time I had started feeling stress about making sure I did my best in our marriage. I thought I had to be the one to pay off our cars, save for our new house, and help meet all of April’s needs. But what I am learning about marriage is it is like hiking out in the outdoors as both are uncontrollable and life changing. When we were hiking in Rocking Mountain National Park a storm rolled in, drenching us, but all we could do was keep hiking. Our marriage only works when I give my control over to God. He is our provider and will shelter us from any storm. As we hiked on through Rocky Mountain National Park we ended up seeing two moose. What a phenomenal day!

Circolo Popolare serves amazing pizza and has more to drink than I can remember.

Two years ago, we celebrated in London! When we traveled to London I was struggling with anxiety attacks. I was worried that my sleep problems would plague our trip. April reminded me that it is normal to be jet lagged and that I needed to start giving myself grace when I didn’t fall right to sleep. This changed our trip. It let God into my most worrisome moments and gave us an anniversary to remember. Especially our trip into London proper to see the Tower of London and our dinner that night at Circle Popolare, a restaurant were you can get a meter of pizza. We saved half of it thinking we would eat it later on our trip. We didn’t end up eating the leftover pizza because we let it get moldy. Letting that pizza go moldy is my biggest regret of the trip, because it was dang good pizza. However, it helped us realize that not every day and not every meal had to be epic. That some days we just needed to take as they were and let a little grace in.

One year ago, during lock down, we braved a restaurant and had a phenomenal dinner. Adventures do not have to be out in the mountains or in another country. They can happen right near home. After months of not leaving home and if we did go out to eat, it was just to pick up the food and bring it back home, we decided to eat in a restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. Linger, our dining choice, was safe, and rewarded us with the best meal we had all year. We could have let fear take over our anniversary but we chose to celebrate our love and God rewarded us with a beautiful evening that He capped off with a spectacular sunset at Jackass Hill.

Today as we celebrate our fourth anniversary we are going to take bits of each previous celebrations. As much as I would like to hike around Rocky Mountain National Park or go back to London, what we are going to take from those places is the idea to let grace into our day when things do not go as expected and allow God to be in control because when He is He tends to outdo our best laid plans. I doubt we see a moose and we definitely won’t walk over Tower Bridge, but we will see His beauty and we will take naps with our puppies. We are going to go back to Linger because they did such a good job last year during the pandemic and we want to eat there again now that things are normalizing. At the heart of all adventures is knowing that they can happen on any day in any normal situation if only you open your eyes to what God has for you. If he has control of my day, then that’s the adventure I want to experience.

Yet, I know that the true adventure in today will be loving April. She is less than two months away from bringing Sofia into the world (this might be why we aren’t hiking today and is defiantly why we didn’t travel anywhere and that little baby girl is so worth staying home for). Throughout her pregnancy she has been nothing short of a rock star. She is kind and patient to me when I am thoughtless and I don’t listen well, like when she told me what she was craving and I told her I didn’t want to eat Cheba Hut. She cried and I apologized and cooked a homemade dinner for her instead. She loves me when I feel broken. She makes me a better man and for that I know that parts of today might feel like any other day. We will wake up at home, take our dogs for a little walk, watch them be goofy, and then take care of our garden. But it will be more than that because I am going to let grace in and watch for God to do something unexpected.

Ten Years Adventuring In The States

June 30, 2021June 30, 2021Brendan Scott

This June marks 10 years since I moved back from Guatemala. If I had known all the joy God had for me, even through the pain and trials, I wouldn’t have bothered spending my first three years dreaming about about returning to Guatemala.

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.-Psalm 16.11

The path of my life should be measured in decades and not in days. God is teaching me to go slow. He can change my life overnight, like when I met April back in 2016 or in January 2021 when we found out that we were expecting, but for the most part He has been taking time to make me into the man he meant for me to become. That idea of becoming takes time. 10 years ago this month I was not the man I am now. Even more so, 20 years since my family packed up our home in Oklahoma and returned back to our roots in Colorado. God has done amazing things since then, but if I were to look at my day in day out life back then I am not sure I would have known what He was up to. Only now I can see Him guiding me.

Over the last ten years I have learned to be a better teacher, friend, son, brother, and husband. God set me on this path when I decided to leave all I had come to know and set out on a new adventure. Guatemala started out as the adventure of a lifetime. Each day was so foreign that all I could do was rely on God. When I felt alone as I had not made any good friends yet, he was my portion. When I didn’t speak the language well, felt like I was invisible at work, or just didn’t know how to teach, he met me there and gave me strength. Each day in Guatemala something unexpected could happen and I loved it.

Yet, I moved back because I felt God wanted more for me and from me. While living back at home in Colorado hasn’t quite felt as challenging as life in Guatemala (or maybe just not challenging in the same way), I’ve learned I need God just as much now as I did then. In Guatemala each day I could face some sort of natural disaster or go off and hike a volcano. I knew I needed God to get me through the day. But then I moved back to the states in June of 2011, life was a vacation, I mean we went to Hawaii to celebrate my little sister’s high school graduation and then we went to Virginia to celebrate my cousin’s wedding.

After all of the parties ended life set in and so did depression. This is when I realized I needed God just as much as I did in Guatemala. I couldn’t see the adventure in what seemed to be a normal life here in the states. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, but God knew my path and he protected me as I searched for purpose. My days filled with tasks that helped give me things to do, but then those tasks started to fill my days with monotony and anxiety. And day after day I realized I needed an adventure. Slowly, God showed me that adventures can happen no matter where I am or what is going on in my life. He reminded me that to love and to truly live in his love is an awfully big adventure.

If I hadn’t moved back from Guatemala I would never have needed to trust God in my daily life. I never would have gone to Regis to earn my masters in Education. I wouldn’t have worked at The Neighborhood Church where I was given the chance to share Christ with a great community of children. I never would have started teaching at a title one school with a high hispanic population, nor would I have been given a chance to coach basketball. The relationships that I have been blessed to form through being a teacher and a coach have made me a better man. But most of all I wouldn’t have met and married April. She alone is worth the move I made back to the states, but she’s not the only blessing God has brought into my life. Sofia, our baby girl will be born in August.

I can’t forget to mention Gryffin and Phoenix! They are my little adventure dogs! A little over ten years ago my family had to say goodbye to Anastasia. She was such a fun, kind dog and it took a pandemic for me to add doggie joy back into my life. Right now Gryffin is sitting at my side begging to go on a hike. Hopefully as we hike my eyes will be open to the beauty God has for me today. But I know I don’t have to go on a hike to see God’s love and beauty. That can come on a day where I didn’t sleep well or when I am stuck inside for work. God shows up huge on those days too and I would almost rather have that day, because I am with God, than a day in Hawaii

I hope that in ten years I can look back and see God’s blessings sprinkled through my life. If it is anything like the last ten years, I know He will fill me with joy, even in the difficult times. Here is to treating each day as an adventure where I need God’s provision. He has been teaching me that all sorts of adventures come into my life, if I only open my eyes and trust that a life with Him is better than any life separated from Him. I know I cannot love April perfectly enough, so I must give her to Him and I will have to do the same with Sofia. Surrendering what and who you truly love, in hopes that God will provide, and provide better than I would ever be able to, is the true adventure. Here is to another ten years adventuring with God here in the States!

Hiking up East Lake Creek with Anastasia

Teaching In My Pajamas With My Puppies

June 21, 2021Brendan Scott

“I can’t handle my school work,” read a message one of my students sent three weeks before the end of the school year. “My dad just went into the ICU and I don’t think I can do this,” she continued. My heart broke as I read this message. And as I think back over the school year, I know why it has taken me so long to finish writing about it. This year was exhausting, both emotionally and physically. When I first started to write this, I was mad. Anger is okay, but I want my blog to bring joy. Even when the subject is as difficult as what the school year and Covid put my students through.

For the majority of the year this student showed up to each of my zoom meetings, commented on the pictures that decorate my background, and worked hard all year long. Yet, as we come to the end of the semester Covid reared its ugly head inside this students’ family. “They’re all sick but I am asymptomatic” the student told me. I cannot imagine that pressure. Yet, sadly this has not been the only conversation I’ve had with students who’s families dealt with the struggles of Covid.

While I stayed sheltered safely at home many of my students live were at risk. They live in multigenerational households where staying home and learning remotely means caring for their siblings or their siblings children as one of my students has had to do all year long. Yet, I stayed comfortable at home, teaching in my pajamas. For most of the year I woke up about an hour before my zoom meetings started, played with my dogs, ate breakfast, and then made sure everything was ready for my classes. As I documented earlier in this school year, I chose to stay sheltered at home and teach remotely because of past health issues and April’s pregnancy. Now that we are both vaccinated we are experiencing more freedom. It’s like it’s 2019 or almost something like that since we are still choosing to stay home as much as possible.

But there is a disparity between my life and the lives of my students. My life has been comfortable, even if this school year was stressful, while my students have been put through the wringer. For the 2020-2021 school year my district expected all of my students to learn at the same level as they would have in a non-pandemic school year, despite the fact that my students’ families faced Covid at a higher rate than the rest of the district. As a teacher, I am all for my students becoming life long learners and using this year to grow. Unfortunately the district only measures growth by looking at test scores. Tests do not care how a student is doing emotionally, nor if a family has been dealing with Covid. So now not only do my students have to fight against Covid, but they have to make sure they are acing their tests. Where is the grace in this?

I want my students to know that they matter so that I can help them on the road toward healing. This past year, more than any, I felt like it has been important for them to know that. The feeling of not mattering and even more feeling invisible is something I struggle with at times. This struggle is something I’m working on with my therapist. He reminded me that the feelings of not mattering and invisibility are ones that will pop up my entire life. He likened it to a country road with a ditch on the side. While we travel down the road we are healing. We might fall into the ditch and feel like we should be ashamed that we are not on the road anymore, but in fact we are further away from the start of our journey and that first wound that made us feel that way than we were a year ago or six years ago. We just need to get back up and start walking. My therapist has been a helpful hand in picking me up when I’ve fallen into the ditch. It’s because of him I decided to teach in my pajamas. Simple comforts can help us remember that we are loved. Many of my students have fallen into the ditch this year and I want them to know they are loved.

This year as I taught from home I felt like I didn’t matter and that I was invisible to my school community. These feelings are what led me to finalizing seeing a therapist, which has been incredibly healing. He let me know that it is okay to feel anxious, sad, irrelevant, and invisible at times. Those feelings are feelings Jesus felt when he died for us which is why when I feel that way I can know he has compassion for me. Also, because he felt that way I know it is normal to feel that way too and so then I don’t feel so bad. I know my students have been feeling the same as me and I have compassion for them, and so during each class I made sure to tell them how much I love them, how much they matter, and made sure to spend time talking to them so that they feel seen. We played games, I made polls for my baby girl’s name (this brought some great laughter), let them play with my co-teacher puppies (well, only virtually) who sat next to me during nearly every lesson (or actually they wrestled and yipped, spilled water bowls, and generally added the chaos back to my classroom), and most of all I just listened to them. My favorite time doing this came two weeks before the end of the year as we were preparing for the state mandated MAP test. Through zoom I was able to meet with each of my students and tell each of them how much they mattered to me.

I don’t know how my students did on their tests yet, but I am guessing that they did well. I do know that each of them ended the year feeling known and loved (and hopefully a little proud at the great work they did).

Three weeks ago on the last day of school Jesus did something fun for me. He reminded me that I matter and that I am not invisible. My students awarded me one of the ten staff members of the year. I still feel honored and seen. Maybe I should teach in my pajamas every year. Maybe my puppies should show up to my classroom in real life next year. Maybe my students do know they are loved (puppies can do that). Maybe that love will help my student who is still waiting for her dad to recover from Covid.

2020: Under Construction

December 31, 2020Brendan Scott

Driving down I-25 here in Denver is exhausting. Lanes are constantly closed for construction; will it ever end? Yet, I am like I-25 as I too am under constant construction. 2020 has been no different. I could choose to let the challenges of this year frustrate me in the same why I grow frustrated by the constant highway construction. But I am a man becoming more than I am, so I proudly announce that I am under construction.

The question driving my bid for renewal is twofold. Who do I want to be in ten years and who was I ten years ago? I find that if I look at my life as incomplete and under construction (like I-25), I can give myself the grace to take risks, go on adventures, and be a better husband and friend. While we all want road construction to end, it is freeing to know that I am in the state of becoming.

So who was I ten years ago? I was a man who longed for a passion to ignite a true adventure.

2010: I was a loyal friend struggling with what I wanted to do for work. My adventurous job in Guatemala, a resource teacher at The Inter-American School in Quetzaltenango, Guatemala, was fun, but I felt a longing for more. I loved my job that year, but I knew I couldn’t just play tag with Kindergartners for the rest of my life, so I decided that after the end of the school year I would move back to Colorado.

2011: I was lost and lonely as I struggled to find love, work, and friends. Upon moving back into my parents’ house I was depressed because my desire for more seemed like I and settled for much less. But I began to dream about moving back to Guatemala. This move wasn’t to be, however the strong bonds I had built with my former students led me to realize I missed teaching and so I applied for a graduate teaching program at Regis University.

2012: Grad school started as I was working for The Neighborhood Church as the Kids’ Minister. I took my church to Guatemala to lead a mission trip, came back and started with a job at Chipotle, it didn’t last long, but I did learn how to make really good guac! I nearly dropped out of grad school after my first day off class because I didn’t want to write a paper, but fortunately I had made some friends who could tell me to suck it up and press on. I am not a quitter so I wrote that paper.

2013: I completed grad school and did my student teaching at Columbine. I also stopped blogging because I didn’t think my life was worth sharing. Looking back at this year I see a man who was insecure so he stopped writing.

2014: This year was a hunt for a job. By summer time I had been rejected so many times I felt like giving up so I went back to Guatemala to celebrate the graduation of some of the coolest kids I taught. While I was there I was offered a job at a middle school here in Denver. Between finding a teaching job and going to Guatemala my brother-in-law invited me to a Wild At Heart bootcamp in Georgia. To prepare for the bootcamp, I reread Wild At Heart for the first time in over a decade and was hit by the idea that God wants me to be fully alive in him. Not just that, but that the world needs men who are truly alive. Before this, I truly felt stagnate in who I was. Even though I had obtained my maters and was on my way to finding a job in an important field, I felt directionless in my quest to find a passion to ignite my life. Coming to life took work though. I had to let go of the shame that had intrenched itself in my life. I had been stuck on things I had done that I was not proud of, which were making me think I didn’t deserve love, especially that of a woman. 2014 taught me that I didn’t need to be perfect to find love and that it was okay to be under construction because that meant I was letting God move in me so I could lead a life that was fully alive.

2015: I nearly died. Life is strange in the way that I know I can only grow if I face challenges. 2015 was a challenge I didn’t want to face. In July I decided to go visit Harry Potter World (AKA Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida). The trip was awesome, but I came back with pneumonia. I have talked about this experience a bit, but here was my take away. As I was drugged up after my second surgery that September, I decided I needed to be more deliberate with how I lived my life. This meant I needed to take risks with love again.

2016: In February the Broncos won the Super Bowl, and more importantly, I met April. We did not meet at a Super Bowl party because she hates football, but at the movies because, like me, she loves great stories. Without going to the Wild At Heart boot camp and hearing that my heart matters and then nearly dying of pneumonia, I would never have been able to open up my heart to her (it still took nearly all year for me to realize I was worthy of a relationship anyway, but that is another story). Thankfully, God led April to not give up on me and by December I was a man in love and I knew she was the one I wanted to adventure with for the rest of my life.

2017: I took the biggest risk of my life. While work was not going well and everything seemed unsure, I bought a ring, took April to Harry Potter World (AKA Universal Studios California) and proposed to her in the driving rain on my birthday. In July we said our vows. This year changed me for the better, but it was a challenge. I wanted to be the best man I could be for April.

2018: I took my wife’s world on my shoulders. Perfection was my goal. Apparently I had forgotten that it was okay to be under construction. I thought I needed to earn enough money to defeat the debt that April and I occurred, save for a house, and provide for our daily needs. I stopped sleeping well. Sleepy and anxious, God reminded me that he provides more than enough. He provided the money for our wedding and had calmed things down at my job, so he would come through for me in our daily needs. I was a man in need of God.

2019: April and I bought a house! This would not have happened if I had been trying to do life all on my own. Through our marriage, my anxiety over work and sleep, God pulled me closer to him. On one of my walks before April and I moved into our new home God reminded me that I needed to give myself grace. I was listening to a podcast and the host was talking about being frustrated with his son. He didn’t know what to do about his son’s behavior and was contemplating a harsh punishment when he walked by a building with a large sign on it. It read: Under Construction. God then reminded him that his son was under construction. He was not yet the man he was meant to be and then God told the podcast host, that he too, was under construction.

2020: I’ve been under construction all year. At times it has looked like April and I just sitting on our couch watching a movie or doing a puzzle. But there are no justs in life. This year has been one for the ages or something like that. But with all the chaos and maybe because of the chaos and the pain I have experienced, I have been able to let God use this year to work on me. I’ve been challenged to give up things I love, like being in my classroom with my students or coaching my teams, all for the safety of my health. This year has been a year of mourning the loss of normality, but then again I started off this year desiring a beautiful adventure. God has given me one, but I have had to look for it in the small daily activities. Through my walks with Gryffin and April (but mostly Gryffin) God has opened my eyes again to the beauty of nature. These walks and all this time at home has given me the opportunity to think about what kind of man I want to be.

In 2021 I want to be a man who lives in the moment with those around me, especially April and Gryffin. I want to build deeper friendships. Friendships where we pray and fight for one another. I want to be okay that I am not a finished product. I want to make mistakes and learn from them. I want to take the time to laugh and play. I want to be the man who is okay with the man I used to be. It is okay that I have been insecure, perfectionistic, and full of shame because without those traits I wouldn’t need God’s grace. His grace is what saves me and so I want to be a man who lives in God’s grace.

40 Years of Love

July 4, 2019July 4, 2019Brendan Scott

June came and went in a flash. But in-between, God moved. In the lead up to June I’d been excited about the upcoming celebration of my parents’ 40th wedding anniversary. When they met they were kids, literally. My dad was in the 8th grade and my mom was in the 6th. When they married they were hardly adults. And yet, 40 years later, they have a beautiful legacy of love.

Love is what highlights our lives. Love is what stops one day from rolling into the next without direction or meaning. Choosing love slows me down and helps me remember to live in the moment. Maybe I learned that from my parents.

Because of their choices I am part of a family who is founded in Christ’s firm love. And so we, meaning my entire family (Katie, Michael, and their crazy five kid crew made the trek as did my younger sister Emmy), celebrated them in the best way possible, up in the mountains. The mountains are love. They slow life down and help us know how much we are loved.

Being in the mountains gave us time to gather around a fire and laugh as we burned our marshmallows. It gave us time to have deep conversations about our struggles and triumphs as we built a 400 piece Peanuts puzzle only to realize at the end that the box only contained 397 pieces. The weekend was rainy but we made it outside for the hot tub and zip line. Spending Uncle time with my nieces and nephews was amazing!

I captured Emerson, the youngest, crawling for the first time. I told stories with Breck, in the story he was born a T-Rex but actually a Velociraptor. I played games and built puzzles with Addi and Linc. I even started a tickle fight with Treagan. Because my parents chose to love Christ and love each other day in and day out, I am blessed to be an uncle. But even more amazing is how my nieces and nephews choosing a life of love and freedom in Christ.

As June was rushing by, Linc, my oldest nephew, asked to be baptized. The morning of the big day he joined me in the living room as I spent time in prayer. He woke up early, came and sat on the couch, and asked me to help him start a Bible reading plan. I love that at eight he is making choices to live a life founded on love. His baptism was beautiful. I love Lincoln.

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My parents’ love has given me the ability to love my wife. April and I are set to celebrate our second wedding anniversary on the 7th of July. We are off on an adventure to England, Ireland, Scotland, and Amsterdam. What an adventure! My prayer has been that this next month doesn’t flash by, but that God stops us, opens our eyes and our hearts so we can experience His love.

Love is not scientific and so I have no clear idea how my parents did it, but, I would bet it all came down to their choices. Years ago when my parents were younger my dad took Katie and me on a hike. I was a baby and my older sister was old enough to complain about how difficult the hike was. My parents hadn’t packed any food, nor brought any water. We were miserable. My dad, in all his wisdom, created this beautiful simile, ” Life is like a mountain. You just have to choose to get over it.” Katie stated the obvious, “I hate life.” Yet in love, there are times when it is difficult and you just have to choose to move through it. My parents’ love is not a difficult mountain, it is warm, open, and consistent, and it, like my favorite mountains, has stood the test of time. I am so proud that each day they choose to love even when it feels hard. What an adventure!

I am sure if you asked either of them, the 40 years came and went in a flash. But in-between, God moved.

Love, Basketball, Broncos, Baseball, and Redemption

May 1, 2018Brendan Scott

Trauma and pain are a team sport. Through all my bumps and bruises in life I’ve made the mistake of thinking I was alone and that my pain needed to be avoided. But In order for pain to be healed it must be felt, but not in isolation away from community. True healing takes teamwork and celebration.

At 34, I am no stranger to trauma and pain. My college entrance essay focused on a baseball game I played in the fourth grade. My team was down to only seven players. For every player below nine, you have an automatic out. I scored on a drop third strike home run. Running the bases in such a crazy way brought on a severe migraine. But I couldn’t leave the game. I spent the next several innings puking my guts out spread out on my back in left field. I didn’t want to quit because my team would have been forced to forfeit. I have suffered from abdominal migraines most of my life. Most of the time when I have been dealing with a migraine episode I tell myself that this won’t last forever and that if I have made it through a migraine once, I can make it through one again.

I needed that same motivation a little over two-and-a-half years ago when in September of 2015, I nearly died. I was rushed to the hospital after my left lung attacked me. It turned out I had Necrotizing Pneumonia. It took two surgeries, ten days in the hospital to rid my body of the infection, a month at home recovering from the physical damage, and much longer to recover from the emotional damage.

Night after night, cramped up on the hospital bed, time blurred together. One night after watching Captain America: The Winter Soldier, so drugged out on pain meds, I had a dream that Hydra was after me. I clearly remember being half awake and a nurse entering the room to check my IV. I was positive that she was a Hydra agent and that if I moved she would kill me. When I woke up in the morning, I was still not sure who the Hydra agents were and who were normal civilians.

That same week as I sat in the hospital, feeling scared, tired of being woken up early, friends kept popping by to remind me that I was not alone. After my first surgery Mike Davis came up to watch the Broncos play the Chiefs with me. The game was extremely stressful and when we won on a last second fumble recovery returned for a touchdown all I could do was raise my hands to celebrate. But celebrate we did.

Now it has been a little over two-and-a-half years since I spent ten days in the hospital, and I still struggle with how to process all of what happened to me. Sometimes it feels like I am still under attack as if Hydra were really after me. Like I am all alone back in that hospital bed. I think that is how pain and trauma works. It wants you to make you think you are all alone and under attack. So we numb it, hoping it goes away. But the awesome thing is, my pain, as I have spoken about it and decided to feel it, has helped me heal and brought me closer to my community.

Back in September, on the second anniversary of the surgery that saved my life, I decided to take a walk. As I circled my neighborhood I felt pride at my recovered the strength, but I also felt broken. I knew without God’s help I would be lost, in pain, and alone. I started to weep when Lauren Daigle’s song Come Alive (Dry Bones) started playing through my headphones. I knew I wasn’t the only one broken and in need of healing so I was inspired to started this blog months ago. I keep coming back to it, trying to figure out how to write it, but admitting how alone I have felt through all of this is difficult and takes vulnerability. So here it goes.

On one hand I want to focus on how hilarious it was that I thought Hydra was after me, but on the other I want to encapsulate how isolated I felt while in the hospital and afterword while I recovered at home. But then I wasn’t alone and I know now that God never left me. He used my nephew Linc, who sent me legos and butter fingers or as he called them, futterbingers. He used Bailey, my little friend, who invited me to her fourth birthday party before I went to the hospital and prayed and prayed I would be able to go once I was released. Her party was the day after I left the hospital, so of course I went.

Now, as I type this my scar still aches, my stomach still feels like its half taped down, and deep quick breaths still feel oddly sharp. Yet, I am healing and I think that this is what this post is about. We all have pain in our lives, but not everyone heals. Maybe not everyone has friends who visit them while they are sick or maybe in pain people push their loved ones away.

When I first left the hospital, I could hardly walk a block. My healing took the form of long walks. God used those walks to tell me he was with me he still loved me and then he gave me April, my wife who I have blogged quite a bit about, but can be summed up in one word; wonderful. He shattered my false sense of isolation with love. He brought my family around me and continued to use friends to tell me that I was not alone. They sent cards, brought food, and laughed with me at the funny little things. This is how pain is healed; through teamwork and love.

This year I saw love and trauma in action on the basketball court. This might feel like a hard left turn, but it did wonders for my own trauma. I decided to help coach basketball and it was extremely difficult. First, I hadn’t played basketball since I was in middle school and worse yet I was a church league bench rider, so it isn’t like I was that good. Second, I knew way more about Basketball than almost all of the girls on my team. Third, I signed up to be the head coach and was quickly moved down to assistant because God loves me.

This is not going to be a story about how my team learned how to play together and because of that we started to win games. No, we piled up losses and it hurt. The girls were embarrassed and two girls quit the team. This painful season wasn’t really how I thought coaching would go. Yet, the girls formed a bond and continued to play their hearts out even when we were losing 92-5. They did this for the love of the game and for the love of each other.

As the season drug on, and injuries mounted, the girls dug deep. They did not resort to blaming each other for their losses, no they joked with each other and continued to work on improving their own game. In their trauma they treated each other with love. They kept running up and down the court and they never gave up. When the season ended only one word could describe how I felt toward my team. Proud. As exhausted as I was, ready to see my wife before 11 each night, I know this was a beautiful experience. So we celebrated. This is what is supposed to happen in times of trauma. People need to be surrounded by love, celebration is a must.

The celebration and the love the team showed for each other helped heal any wounds that the losses may have inflicted. As their coach, I could not have felt more proud. So this last week when we were finally able to gather together for our banquet, it was a true victory celebration. We celebrated a hard fought season that saw us go winless, but also brought us together as we received letter after letter from other schools telling us how hard and respectful we played. We celebrated because we formed a bond of love in a time of trauma.

My own scars are being redeemed through love. God is using April to help me heal. She is my teammate who never gives up even when the loss is imminent. Without the pain that pneumonia wrought on me, I do not think I would know how to keep fighting when life is difficult. I might not even be married because I am pretty sure the sight of my scar on our first date is what brought us together. Yes, I lifted my shirt and showed her my scar on our first date. Judge me! Maybe she thought I had been attacked by Hydra or maybe she knew I had been through a great deal of pain and she felt for me. She loved me in my pain and brokenness. Without her and my friends and family who rallied around me, celebrated with me, I would not know how to love those around me when trauma happens to them and so, my scars are redeemed.