Zombies – Adventure With Brendan

What To Do On The Last Day Of The World

December 21, 2012December 21, 2012Brendan Scott

If you haven’t heard, then let me tell you, December 21, 2012, was prophesied to be the day the world ends. Of course if you haven’t heard about the end of the world, and you’re sitting around reading blogs, then well, you are the perfect audience for this message!

The people who have stockpiled their attics or basements with food, bought five generators, filled their bathtubs with water, sharpened their Katanas, and have been watching reruns of Doomsday Preppers on the National Geographic Chanel already know they have plenty to do today (whatever day this happens to be as the end of the world always seems to be coming).

The Mayan calendar ends on the 21 of 2012, which is today, or if by chance the world doesn’t end, yesterday, or depending on when you get around to reading this, last year.

Two years ago on the winter’s solstice I was hiking around the ruins of Tikal, which was once one of the wealthiest Mayan kingdoms. Sadly, their violent culture ended centuries ago.

We’re all going to end up like the Mayans! If not today, or tomorrow, it will happen someday. So, what do we do about this horrible news?

Good news! I’ve got a few ideas. However, this blog might not be the best for the people who have already hunkered down in their Zombie proof shelters.

First: Show your Neighbor some Love! It’s the end of the world and I think now might be the time to knock on their door and invite them over for dinner. This could be a great time to start a new friendship, everyone needs a friend at the end of the world. But heck, if the night’s real bad just remember you wont have to see them tomorrow!

Second: Go play in the snow with some little kids, or puppies, or anything that brings you Joy. Kids seem to be able to find an enormous amount of joy in the smallest things. I can’t think of a better way to spend the last day of the world than hearing the laughter of a little kid.

Third: Find a time during the day to relax. I’ll go on a hike up through the mountains. I know I can’t bring about world peace, but if I find a little peace for myself, maybe I’ll be able to find love and joy a little easier. Besides nothing says Peace to me like the aspens that grow in the Colorado Rockies.

Fourth: When the Zombies are pounding down your door and you’re at your whits end, be Patient. You’ll be fine, their lack of fine motor skills will protect you, but you might need to wait a little for them to stumble out of your house. You really will need patience when hanging out with the little kids (they ask millions of questions and wont hesitate to point out any of your flaws, like the gap you have in your teeth).

Fifth: Go to Walmart and look for the person with the shopping cart that screams “It’s the end of the world and I’m hoarding all of the supplies“, and and surprise them by paying for their stuff. Don’t smirk or laugh at them either. Be Kind, who knows they could share some of their Twinkies with you, oh wait . . . I guess the world is ending.

Sixth: When your neighbors come over for dinner and insist on showing you all of their Amway stuff, find real interest. Show interest in them because that’s what Good people do. Even take the next step and buy a little bit of what they are selling. What could it hurt, the world is ending anyway.

Seventh: You know that friend who you think about every day, don’t give up on them, give them a call. Yes, it’s the end of the world, but that’s the best time to tell someone you still love them. Plus, you might be able to invite them in on some great Amway products. In all honesty, be Faithful to your friends. Tell them you’re thankful for them, even if they haven’t called in ages and sometimes you wish the Zombies would get them first.

Eighth: When you’re scared out of your mind because the Zombies have now broken down your front door and you’re wishing you’d watched Doomsday Preppers, remember that those Zombies have already lost their minds, so be Gentle with them. In their thirst for brains, their wanton hunger has driven out their ability to love. Yes, they want to eat your brain, but just maybe they really need is someone to gently hold their hand and show them compassion.

Ninth and Last: When all of the world has thrown itself into chaos, with looting and killing, drunkenness, partying with no sense of real joy, but of lust and carnal desire, and jealous hatred drives all their actions, show some Self-control. As the world goes to hell, hold back and don’t go with them. Continue to live life differently. It will be worth it in the end.

Because when our world ends or just seems to be falling apart, into evilness, with senseless shootings, there can never be enough people who practice love and joyfulness, find peace, act patiently, show kindness, goodness and gentleness to others, and lastly act with self-control.

10 Things I Will Not Do In 2012

December 31, 2011January 1, 2012Brendan Scott

1. I will not leave major life situations up to chance. Playing the dice game on my phone to decide if I am going to have a second burger is fine, but not acceptable for major life changing situations. No, I did not use my phone to help me make my decision to move back to Colorado after living in Guatemala. That would have been stupid, plus I made that decision in 2010.

2. I will not spend half the year without a job. 2011 was a rough year for work. I spent half the year teaching and the other half babysitting Way to put my college degree to work. Eff em up, Eff em up GO CU!!

3. I will not read the rest of the Millennium Series. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo was a true bore fest. I know Stieg Larsson was trying to create a tense mystery, but he failed to make me care about any of the characters. And if I don’t care about the characters I don’t care about the story, he also never really put any of them in real danger (at least in the first book and at least for the first 300 pages, which is too long for me). I guess a better way to put it, I am not going to waste my time on poorly written books.

4. I am not going to fly American Airlines. I was surprised when in late 2011 they filed for chapter 11 Bankruptcy, because they had over charged me for several of their mistakes. With all of the extra money I gave them I would think they would be financially sound. Since when is it my fault that they canceled a ticket I purchased and notified me by sending me an email in, wait for it, . . . Spanish. A language I am not completely fluent in. This miscommunication cost me over 200 dollars when I had to re-buy my ticket. They also conveniently lost the recording of a phone conversation I had with one of their representatives, which would have proved the error was theirs and saved me money. I will eventually write a blog about how much I hate American Airlines, but for now I am still too mad.

5. I am not going to be a host for a party of amoebas. If you have traveled outside of the U.S. you understand the temptation to taste the rich local food. It can be so colorful and exotic, but more often than not, it is also very dangerous. So, no street food for me. I am saying no to hotdogs for under a dollar, which is a shame because gringas, garnachas, cheveres, and tacos are great. Living in Colorado has been a bit safer for my bowels as I have yet to walk past any of my favorite street vendors, but after Thanksgiving 2011 I wasn’t sure some of my old uninvited friends (amoebas) weren’t throwing a party in my stomach. I am not going to host that party in 2012.

6. I am not going give up on my dream of dating Jessica Scheel (Miss Guatemala 2010). Because if I am afraid to dream grand dreams, then I will live an empty life. There is only one snag in this whole thing, I am just a normal guy living in the states and she is super famous (or kind of famous). Maybe it would be better to say, I am not going to give up on my love life even though it’s seemed more like an impossible dream at times.

7. I am not going to succumb to a Zombie attack. As many people believe that 2012 is the final year on earth and a Zombie Apocalypse is bound to happen, I vow to be prepared. Those brain suckers will not feast on my brain. More realistically I will not spend all of my time sitting in front of the TV. 2012 will be a year for doing and living. It will not be a year for the undead.

8. I will not stop dreaming about Guatemala. I am not completely sure if I am in control of this one, but I have had dreams about Guatemala, my friends and my students, almost every night for the last six months. Typically in the dreams I am teaching at Hogwarts, but the school for wizards and witches is always located in Guatemala and the student body is not British, but Guatemalan; more specifically all of my old students. I am not sure what these dreams mean, but I am pretty sure they will continue well in to 2012.

9. I am not going to give up on my dream of becoming a writer. My current plan is to go back to school for my masters in teaching, but my end goal is to be published. I love writing and I want to be able to share my ideas with the world. I am not going to stop dreaming this dream.

10. I am not going to live timidly, except for when it comes to street food. The Mayan calendar ends on December 21st. Some people think this means the end of the world, but in reality we never know how much longer we have to live. Life is precious, so don’t hold back. For God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. (2nd Timothy 1:7)

What are you not going to do in 2012? I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year!

Jesus is the Anti-Zombie and the Zombie Commandments

October 31, 2011April 9, 2012Brendan Scott

On Easter Sunday we celebrate the most famous case of the dead coming back to life. You heard me right, celebrate. I know many of you about to run away from your computer screens to grab your shotguns or katanas, but wait. Hold up.

Have you ever had the fear that the living dead will come breaking through your door? I’m talking about rotten decaying humans that hunger for your brains.

Many ancient societies held to the fear that the dead would come back to life and run rampant across the land. Why else do we still bolt our coffins shut from the inside or why did the ancient Irish place a stone in the mouths of the dead. Both are precautions against the dead returning to life; one locks the dead in a coffin and the other fills the mouth so that the dead is prevented from eating.

There are many other examples that prove that our world lives in fear of the death and the dead. Like the rules of cleanliness in ancient Israel, if a person touched a dead body there were considered unclean. Maybe they were trying to prevent the spread of diseases or maybe they thought if someone interacted with the dead they would become a Zombie.

The technical definition of a Zombie is any dead body given the semblance of life, but mute and will-less by a supernatural force, usually for some evil purpose like eating brains. In Harry Potter they are called Inferi and are used by dark wizards to attack the living. Even magical people fear the living dead. Any Zombie has no will of his or her own, save to consume brains and make more Zombies.

Real Zombies, whether you believe in them or not, exist to suck life and meaning from their prey. Zombies live, well not really live, with an unquenchable desire to feed. Much like the American consumer, Zombies are always wanting more and what they leave in their path is death and destruction.

A Zombie’s main desire (If a Zombie has the free will to have his or her own desire) is to turn normal people into Zombies and once you have been turned into a Zombie you are condemned to a living death. Imagine working in Dilbert’s cubicle for the rest of your life, bent on just amassing more; a “life” doomed to utter meaningless. Just imagine living your life and your only desire is to eat brains; human brains at that.

And now to the upcoming celebration of the most famous case of resurrection. That’s right, I’m talking about Easter Sunday!

That’s right, Jesus Christ came back from the dead and in two weeks we’ll celebrate his resurrection.

Fortunately Jesus Christ is the Anti-Zombie! Jesus, who called himself, “The Good Shepherd,” who was willing to die for his, “sheep,” knew he had to die so that we would be protected from a meaningless life. In the Gospel of John Jesus says, “I have come that [you] may have life and have it to the full.” Jesus did not come so that we would live our lives in mediocrity. No he came to break us away from meaninglessness. His life gave us a purpose, which I believe is to love and serve one another with a confidence that we are protected from the sting of death.

Jesus died so that “whoever believes in him shall not parish, but have eternal life.” Anyone can die, but Jesus came back to life. However, unlike Zombies who are the reanimated dead bent on destruction. Jesus’ resurrection is, in essence, an act against a meaningless life.

As J.K. Rowling says in Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows, “The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.” Rowling cleverly pulls this quote from 1st Corinthians chapter 15 verse 26. She is making the point that death, and in my opinion, meaninglessness are enemies to be destroyed. And fortunately for all of us Jesus has conquered these enemies.

Paul, the author of 1st Corinthians, believed that Christ’s resurrection was a resurrection to a spiritual life and that death has no sting or power. That whoever allows Christ to work in their life will be changed in life and through death. Their body might die, but their soul will live on in Heaven.

So Jesus’s death and resurrection give a meaning to life. Where Zombies are reanimated to consume, Jesus died and came back to give us the freedom to live. That is part of the practice of the Communion at church. Believers take in Jesus’s body and blood and are given a full life; one that is satisfied by Jesus and not material goods. We, normal humans, who don’t go around eating brains, no longer need to be afraid of Zombies, of meaninglessness, or death, because Jesus died and came back to life for us, so that we could live our lives to the full.

And now the Zombie Commandments: Some of Jesus’ commandments with a Zombie flavoring.

1. The most important commandment is this, “Love the lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and all your brain,” mmmmm brains I can’t get enough brains . . . I mean, “mind and with all your strength.

2. Love your neighbor as yourself because his brain tastes as good as yours.

3. You are the salt of the earth, so add extra humans on any brains you might eat.

4. You have heard it said, “Do not commit adultery.” But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully and does not eat her brain has already lost out on a chance for a good meal.

5. You have heard it said, “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,” but I tell you do not resist anyone that wants to eat your brain.

6. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your brain as well.

7. Give to anyone your brain if they ask for it, and do not turn away anyone who utters the phrase, “Must Eat Brain!”

8. You have heard it said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy,” but I tell you to love your enemy and pray for those who try to eat your brains.

9. Thou Shalt covet they neighbors brain.

10. Be a perfect brain eater as your Zombie father is a perfect brain eater.

Happy Resurection!!

Celebrate Holy Week by living like the anti-zombie, Jesus, and living in the freedom from a meaningless life.

Zombie Tag and the Top 10 Things I’ll Miss About Guatemala

June 28, 2011December 13, 2011Brendan Scott

What will I miss about Guatemala? Not much-A whole lot. How ready am I to live in the states again? Very-Not at all. You may have guessed it, I’m a mixed bag of emotions about my departure from Guatemala. I will miss the slower lifestyle. I love how in Xela I can walk from my gym at one end of town to my house at the other end in twenty minutes. I hate how on a rainy day the streets fill like rivers and cars swerve to splash through the puddles just so they can make sure I absolutely do not make it home dry. Even though the cars splash me, I still enjoy Guatemala and it has become my home.

Here is my top 10 things I will miss about Guatemala:

My students constantly trying to make me repeat after them in Spanish. “Mister, burros dice que . . . ?” If you repeat something quickly enough I guess I’ll say what.
The ayudantes (the driver’s assistants who take all of the payments on the chicken-bus or microbus) constantly trying to help me on and off the minibus, as if after three years I still didn’t know my way around Xela.
The risk of buying cheap movies on the street that the vendor promises are in English. Will it be in English? I hope it wasn’t filmed in the theater. What? It’s in Russian? At least they’ll exchange the movie for another one if it doesn’t work.*
The constant attention from the shoe shine boys in parque central. No, I don’t want my shoes shined, can’t you see I am a gringo and I wear sandals all of the time?
Taking my pre-kinder students out to the basketball court to play with the hula hoops and the boys fighting over the more manly colored hoops. “Yo quiero azul!!” Or how one very little boy always wanted the small “ula ula” because, as he said, “Yo soy muy chicito!” It’s hard to take these boys seriously when they’re trying to claim to be manly and really little all at the same time.
The lack of safety rules in Guatemala. “Oh you want to go and roast a marsh-mellow on that lava flow? Absolutely, and I’ll take your picture!”
Playing Wii ping-pong with my friends and co-workers until late in the night. (Only on nights we had power.)
Playing Zombie tag with my Kindergarten class out on the basketball court at the Inter-American School. They love trying to eat each other’s brains. And their pronunciation of “Must Eat Brain” always made me smile. Just say, “mustefrain” and chase your friends around like a zombie and you can play Zombie tag too.
Listening to it rain. The cars may swerve to hit the puddles so they can splash me and other walkers, but the sound of rain drops hitting the rooftops is mesmerizing.
My students. Hiking with them up La Muela. Challenging them to become better writers, students, and people. Having them challenge me to be the best I can be. They made my time in Guatemala truly an adventure.

Not mentioned in this list. The many dance parties. And how my students love my crazy dance moves. All I want is for them to learn to let go a little and have fun no matter what.

A few things I will not miss.

Being over charged on a microbus, not to mention over stuffed, (I’ve been packed in one of those 15 passenger vans along with 35 other people). Yes, I am a white North-American, but that doesn’t mean I have to pay more than everyone else. It’s 1.25 Q for a microbus ride anywhere in town, just incase you’re interested. I learned to always pay with exact change.
Trash, trash, trash everywhere. The mentalities of “oh we have someone to clean that up for us,” or “this plastic is biodegradable, right?” are really hurting Guatemala’s natural beauty. I might start a relief cause “Dumpsters for Guatemala.”
The slow and often inconsistent internet. Man, I would love to check out that video of Justin Bieber, but unfortunately my internet isn’t fast enough. I guess I’ll just have to miss it. (read with a hint of sarcasm.)
Never knowing when the lights will come back on. It’s been out all night for the past two days. I’m glad I hadn’t really wanted to Skype with my family back home.
How difficult it is to fly out of Guatemala. Weather is always a problem here. I’ve been delayed because of snow storms (yes, these storms were in the US), volcano eruptions, tropical storms (Agatha!!!!), and random thunderstorms. Not to mention the fact that when you live in Xela you always have to drive to Guate the day before your flight, which makes everything a little more drawn out.

It would have been very easy to come up with more than five things that I wont miss, but it also would have been even easier to name more than 10 reasons why I will miss Guatemala. I have come to love this country, even with all of it’s quirks. I am going to miss the country and even more so the people dearly. Thank you for the past three years.

*I know it’s illegal, but when living in another country it’s hard to see movies any other way. Plus it helps out the local economy. And if the dvd doesn’t work you can go back and exchange it for another one. No questions asked.